Intercultural Love: Haitian and Vietnamese-American Romance

Love is a universal language, yet it speaks in many dialects. When two people from different backgrounds come together, love becomes an intricate dance of traditions, beliefs, and unspoken expectations. As a Haitian woman in a relationship with a Vietnamese-American man, I’ve come to understand that love is not just about feelings—it’s also about learning, and embracing the beauty of cultural differences.

Love Through Food: A Flavorful Journey

One of the first ways my boyfriend and I connected was through food. He introduced me to pho, that warm, comforting bowl of noodles swimming in fragrant broth, and I taught him how to enjoy diri kole ak pwa with a side of legim, that explosion of complex flavor combinations. Our palates became a playground where culture met curiosity.

But food, like love, comes with its challenges. He loves spice—fiery, tongue-numbing heat that makes my eyes water. I, on the other hand, enjoy bold flavors but prefer balance. So, we compromise. I take smaller sips of his homemade spicy noodle soup, and he takes bites of my pikliz, learning to embrace the slow burn. It’s a reminder that love is about meeting each other halfway, one meal at a time.

The Cultural Dance of Family and Approval

In Haitian culture, love is not just about the couple—it’s about family. A relationship is often a collective experience, and parental approval holds weight. My boyfriend didn’t fully understand this at first. For him, introducing me to his parents was casual, a simple milestone. But for me, it was a ceremony of sorts, an unspoken test. My mother always said, “Se pa ak yon moun ou marye, se ak fanmi yo.” (You don’t just marry a person, you marry their family.)

In contrast, his upbringing was more Americanized. While he values his Vietnamese roots, his approach to relationships is more independent. The idea of actively seeking approval didn’t cross his mind in the same way it did for me. This difference led to deep conversations about respect, tradition, and the balance between honoring where we come from and forging our own path.

Love Languages: Bridging Emotional Differences

The way we express love is deeply rooted in culture. Growing up in a Haitian household, I saw love in action—plates of food served before you could even ask, sacrifices made silently, a firm but caring hand on your back during tough times. Words of affection were not always spoken outright; love was demonstrated through service and presence. And in loving relationship, love is often expressed openly- through physical touch, and playful teasing.

My boyfriend is vocal about his feelings, but somehow, he doesn’t say “I love you” that often either. Instead, he makes sure I eat, that I have my favorite snacks, and that I feel cared for in small but meaningful ways. Over time, we blended our love languages, ensuring neither of us felt unseen.

Traditions and Celebrations: Finding Middle Ground

We joyfully embrace each other’s traditions, celebrating the rich cultural tapestries that define us. On New Year’s Day, January 1st, we partake in the Haitian tradition of enjoying soup joumou, a symbol of freedom and independence. This hearty pumpkin soup is a cherished dish that brings families together, allowing us to reminisce and honor our shared history.

During Tet, the Vietnamese New Year, we immerse ourselves in vibrant festivals, watching captivating shows, capturing memories through photographs, and savoring traditional Vietnamese foods.

Blending our traditions meant understanding that neither way was “right” or “wrong.” Instead of choosing one over the other, we honor both. We welcome the New Year with soup joumou in the morning and traditional Vietnamese dishes at the Lunar New Year. We make space for both cultures to thrive within our relationship, proving that love is not about assimilation but about expansion.

Lessons Learned: Love as a Journey, Not a Destination

Being in a relationship with someone from a different culture has been one of the most enriching experiences of my life. It has taught me patience, open-mindedness, and the beauty of stepping outside of my comfort zone. It has made me more aware of my own culture, not just as something I was born into, but as something I actively choose to celebrate and share.

At the heart of it all, love is about learning. Learning to listen, to compromise, to embrace what is unfamiliar and find comfort in it. Love is about building bridges between two worlds, not by erasing differences, but by honoring them.

So, to anyone in an intercultural relationship, I say this: Be patient. Be open. Be willing to explore love in all its complexities. Because when love is rooted in respect and curiosity, it creates something far greater than the sum of its parts—it creates a shared world, rich with history, flavor, and endless possibility.

And you, have you ever been in an intercultural relationship? What challenges and joys did you experience? Let’s talk in the comments!

Until next time,

Xoxo

JPP