The courage to be Accountable for our Actions

No-one wants to be wrong. In most situation, our first instinct is to put the blame on someone else. Sometimes, rightfully so because, they are obviously wrong and we are right, duh. But, occasionally or probably, in most instances, we do need to be honest with ourselves and be accountable for our actions.

Knowing Ourselves.

Let’s face it, blaming others for our shortcomings is an easy way out. It is hard to look at ourselves in the mirror and see us for who we really are. We are not perfect and we mess up all the time. We want to get rid of that uneasiness, that bad feeling so much that we refuse to look at our own reflection. Do we even do that? Really looking at ourselves.  Spending time with ourselves to know ourselves? In the era of social media, gadgets and everything else that are screaming for our attention, do we even have the time to properly explore who we are? or are we just trying to fit in the box that society pre-selected for us?

The Blame Game and our Duality.

We cannot possibly blame every aspect of our circumstances onto others. What about the reckless decisions we have made? The stupid situation we put ourselves in, even when that gut feeling warned us of the danger. Is it always our parents’ fault? our siblings? our friends? our boss? our lover? a passerby or some inexplicable supernatural force?  Are we under some kind of spell? When does it become our responsibility to take care of our own lives? When do we stop telling ourselves silly story to excuse our own failings?  We tell ourselves all kinds of lies and believe them, because we are afraid of the truth about who we are. We refuse to be accountable for our actions.

And the truth is very simple; we are Human. Human with flaws and vulnerabilities, with fears and wrongs, with beauty and goodness too. Perhaps, it is time to stop labelling human emotions or character traits with negative connotation. Maybe, we wouldn’t be that fearful of our own dual nature.

Negative Label.

By no means, I am saying we should not name the emotion. In the contrary, naming the emotion is the first step. Let’s entertain this thought for a moment: when we feel angry for example, maybe we should just call it that- anger- but with no judgment. Just accept it with curiosity. Examine it. Try to understand why this person or that situation trigger so much irritation. Afterwards, think of a way to channel that emotion constructively. By not associating a negative label with the state of being angry, may be we will be more inclined to see it clearly for what it is. Then, we will decide on finding a solution, instead of suppressing the emotion until it destroys us, or projecting it onto others and hurt people.

My Approach.

The way I choose to approach most things in life is that I focus on my part. I always ask myself what could I have done better to improve the outcome. I try to be accountable for my actions. Sometimes, it might not even be my fault but I try to remember to reflect on the event and see how I could have reacted better. Because often, people respond to the tone of our voice, or body language, the situation that’s in their heads or whatever else that is going on in their life. People are complex beings and often it is hard to understand why they do what they do.

Awareness.

Nevertheless, do not misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that we should be responsible for everybody else’ feelings. I am not telling you to go out of your way to make people feel better just because you are telling the truth and they can’t take it. That will drive anyone insane and will be a disservice to that person.  But, what I am saying is that  if we are aware of the intricate labyrinth that is human nature, maybe we can curve our interactions with others better to avoid unnecessary conflicts. Then, the lens in which we look at situations and people would be less stressful, and we will be better for it. I am advocating to engage in introspection, not to put ourselves down, but to gain self- insight and improve ourselves.

Expectations.

I often notice people have a higher expectation of others. However, they do not ask the same of themselves. I think that approach is problematic for so many reasons:

First, you can never control what others do. It is not your job to do so. All you can control in this life is yourself. Sometimes, you may not even be able to control the situation, but you can control how you react to it.

Second, it is such a waste of time and energy to expect so much of others, it leads to disappointment because people are flawed just like you.

Finally, you cannot expect so much of others when you, in your life you don’t do the bare minimum. It just does not make sense and is highly hypocritical. You must be accountable for your own action.

Look Inward.

The change should always starts with you. Don’t point fingers. Don’t talk about others and what they should have done. Focus on you, because growth is a journey of a thousand lives. We will never be done learning and growing. We should aim to work harder on ourselves than anything else. Self- development is key to evolving to a better version of ourselves. Everything will change for the better once we have the courage to change.

Until next time,

Xoxo,

JP